Counseling or Coaching?

Tears are rolling down my face as I begin to write this.  My mind is swirling with so many thoughts.  What do I share? What do I hold close to my heart and keep for myself?  How did I get to this place in life?  Sometimes it feels like I have been hanging on to something as my life fled by. 

Did you know I hold a Masters in School Counseling?  I went after this degree with so much passion.  I had students in my classroom that needed counseling, but at that time, my elementary school did not have a school counselor.  I wanted to be more equipped to help my hurting students.  Soon after I got my degree, I accepted a school counseling position.  I LOVED those years as a School Counselor.  It was rewarding and so hard at the same time.  My subconscious take-away was that there are some really BIG problems in the world that affect families.  They need counseling. 

By this time in my life, I had gone through a divorce, remarried, and had two children.  I never saw a need for counseling in my own life.  😳 My problems were not big enough.  

The last twenty-five years have been full of amazing blessings that I did not deserve, but also some hardships that pushed me to the feet of Jesus, begging for help.  I added on a Specialist Degree in Educational Administration and Supervision. That’s impressive, huh?  Well, maybe for some.  But for me, it added to my work-a-holic addiction. My marriage went through two major challenges that could have easily ended in divorce.  As a matter of fact, at the time, it would have been easier than to learn how to fight through the heartache. (Today, I’m so glad we fought for our marriage.) By God’s grace, we survived our teenage/young adult son’s life that was a mess.  My daughter and son-in-law have gone through three miscarriages.  We said goodbye to Marty’s mom and my dad here on earth.  The death of these two parents were life-changing and have taught us that grief, here on earth, never ends!  We had several financial “crashes” in our home due to Marty’s job losses and me quitting my job to stay home and homeschool our struggling teenage son.  Fifteen plus years in administration has been the hardest thing I have ever done. Sometimes I wonder if my calling at the time was mistaken for a prideful want. 

I began to see a need for counseling in my own life, but it still felt that the money was not worth it.  😳 My problems were not big enough to spend money on.  Or was I just too scared to face the hard? Or was I too prideful to admit I needed help? 

Then on December 12, 2019, I had a very traumatic accident.  I fell on a patch of ice in the parking lot at work.  I broke my ankle.  Okay many people do that- no big deal, right? It was broken in four places and dislocated.  Three surgeries, rods and many screws later, I was immobile for nine weeks.  That is two and one half months!  MONTHS!  That’s a LONG time to think, hurt, cry, scream, question, beg, and finally see the need for help.  

By now, you know I profess to be a Christian.  I’m a follower of Jesus Christ.  So, why do I need help?  I have a Savior, THE mighty Counselor, THE Physician.  He is all I should need, right?  I truly believe this is what many of our churches say, without saying it.  We must stop this!  We have got to let the people that walk through our church doors know that probably most, if not all, need counseling! It’s okay to need help!  Why?  Because even though I have Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, I’m broken.  I live in a very imperfect, fallen, broken world.  God can/does use earthly counselors to help us.  Let’s make it more than okay to need a counselor! 

On May 31, 2022, after nine years of being an elementary school principal in a private Christian school and working 70-80 hours per week (no exaggeration), I walked away from that job and almost immediately hired a Life Coach.  I cried for hours, days, and weeks last Summer.  I cried about the mistakes I had made, the thankless years that I gave all I had, the failures, but most of all, the rewarding successes that I saw God do, through me. It was a very hard nine years.  It kind of feels that I gave too much of me at times.  And, yet, maybe not enough.  Oh my! See why I needed to get help? 

I did not share that I had hired a coach with many people. I was ashamed that I needed it.  I was scared of what others would say and think. I just wasn’t sure I had made the right decision.  It was not a cheap decision.  It was a financial sacrifice. Why could I not get through the hurt of so many of the things I mentioned above, and many things I did not mention?  And then…

The magic started happening. Actually, there was no magic to it. It was completely God using my Coach and her program to change my thoughts, which led to many new feelings, which led to incredible actions I needed to make.  It has been life-giving! 

Why a Coach and not a Counselor?  I looked into both. (Remember, I’m a counselor.).  A counselor has set times for meetings each week, bi-monthly, and/or monthly.  Each session costs money; a lot of money. The Life Coach I hired is doctor (MD), a certified Life Coach, and a follower of Jesus Christ. Her program has an on-line component that has her past two years’ teachings available. After comparing the two, I knew I needed something that I could have quick access to anytime of the day/night.  We have weekly live-coaching opportunities, and I can go listen to past teachings on many different topics anytime.  She also has accountability groups, which I am a member of. My coach is amazing on selling me on myself, recognizing my true self in Jesus, and remembering where my identity comes from.  

What has changed, you ask?  So much!!!  

• I’m learning how to “be transformed by the renewing of my mind.”  Romans 12:2  Our thoughts create our feelings, which create our actions.  When you truly learn this, it’s so powerful and freeing.  
• As the Director of Academics (at the same school), I now work a more reasonable amount of hours.  
• I accept and use the gifts God gave me.  As a leader, you have to embrace criticism.  The saying that if you want to lead others you better have tough skin, is no joke!  The truth is that constructive criticism, given in love, brings about positive change; however, gossip and hurtful words bring about shame and confusion.  I found myself full of shame, doubt, and confusion.  I’m learning so much about how to handle criticism- constructive and destructive. 
• I’m learning that in order to create the kind of life I want, I must create the kind of day I want.  This creation has to be like an open hand, knowing that God may have a different plan for my life. 
• Nourishing Rhythms keep me going when life is crazy.  Oh, by the way, I have decided that life is 75% hard and 25% amazing.  Once I finally accepted that, the hard became so much easier. 
• Speaking of hard, I have learned how to sit in the hard.  I quit running from it, and I don’t push it way down, so deep that I don’t feel it.  
• I am continuously encouraged to turn to God.
• I have learned that everyone gets to do/think as they want.  I can only control my thoughts/feeling/actions!  This is actually more freeing than words on a paper make it sound.  
• I started journaling.  Y’all!  Do it!  It is such a life-giving thing to do for yourself. 
• I pray… a LOT!  I have adjusted and added to my prayer life.  Prayer changes lives.  Prayer is everything! 
• I quit living in a lack mindset and started living in an abundance mindset.  
• I’m learning how physical clutter causes mental clutter and what to do about it. 
• I learned how important it is to unleash myself from shame, judgement, comparison, or whatever self-sabotaging emotion I was trapped in. 
• It’s so easy to get stuck in my past. Nope!  Not gonna do it!  What you focus on grows!!!
• I am waking up to the glory of work!  I am building the house of God! 
• I’m learning to search for joy in all the little things. 
• I left the river of misery! 
• I’m learning how to increase my capacity for loving others in a real, authentic, beautiful way.  
• I’m committed to doing hard things.

That’s a long enough list for now.  Y’all, go see a counselor.  Hire a Life Coach.  Get help!  Run, don’t walk!  Life is short. Grab a friend’s hand and help them make an appointment too.  

For me, it was a Life Coach.  For you, it might be a counselor. For someone else, it might be both.  Please just don’t say “neither.”