Self-confidence is like a superpower that can help transform our lives. When we possess it, we radiate positivity, pursue our goals with determination, and handle life’s challenges gracefully. What happens when we lose our self-confidence?Let’s explore the importance of self-confidence and the consequences of its absence.  I have experienced both.   

Self-confidence is more than just feeling good about oneself. It’s a belief in our abilities and judgment. It’s the driving force behind our actions and the cornerstone of personal development. When we have self-confidence, we are more likely to take risks, overcome obstacles, and achieve success.  You know what this looks like.  You know people with self-confidence.  They stand out in a crowd.  

Self-confidence has empowered me in various aspects of my life.  It helped me excel in my career.  I have taken on challenges, spoke up in meetings, and pursued leadership roles.  Self-confidence has positively impacted my relationships, enabled me to communicate effectively, set boundaries, and form deeper connections with others.  My self-confidence has also fueled personal growth.  It has encouraged me to step out of my comfort zone, embrace new experiences, and continuously learn.  It pushes me to try new things.  

Self-confidence is like a superpower!

Self-confidence is like a cycle.  Self-confidence helps us achieve our goals.  When we achieve our goals, our self-confidence grows stronger. And the cycle continues.  I have been there and still am in some areas of my life.  It’s a fun place to be. 

Unfortunately, self-confidence is not a constant; it can fluctuate over time. When we lose our self-confidence, several negative consequences can manifest. Without self-confidence, I became more susceptible to fear and anxiety. I doubt my abilities, second-guess my decisions, and worry about my future. My lack of self-confidence often leads to procrastination. I find myself taking less action on important tasks, convincing myself that I’m not capable. This can hinder progress and lead to missed opportunities. I have also experienced imposter syndrome, characterized by the feeling of being a fraud despite evidence of competence. I too often discount my accomplishments and attribute them to luck or external factors. Losing self-confidence can also lead to social isolation. I often will withdraw from social gatherings, avoiding situations that challenge my self-worth. This isolation can exacerbate feelings of inadequacy. In the absence of self-confidence, personal and professional growth can stall. We may settle for mediocrity, missing out on the potential for excellence. Lastly, self-criticism becomes a constant companion when self-confidence wanes. Negative self-talk can erode self-esteem and reinforce feelings of unworthiness.

The lack of self-confidence is like a cycle.  A lack of self-confidence can keep us from achieving our goals.  When we miss meeting our goals, our self-confidence gets weaker. And the cycle continues.  I have been here and still am in a few areas of my life.  It’s not fun!   

Many years ago, in my early years as a school administrator, someone told me that I would never be a good leader unless I changed to be more like them.  It crushed me, because our personalities were like night and day.  I didn’t want to be like them.  I wanted to be me.  How could I improve, but still be me?  These words from over twenty years ago still come to my mind sometimes today.  And, of course, I have had more hurtful words said to me since then.  Words can harm people.  You already knew that.  Someone’s words have harmed you.  Maybe they were my words to you.  I sure hope not! But, we have all said things to people that were hurtful.   Did they steal your confidence?  They did mine.  I gradually regained my confidence, but it was a long hard road.  I bet you have been on that hard journey too.   

I have also experienced an amount of stress in my life that over shadowed every other area of my life.  It is almost impossible to live in confidence when stress is overpowering.  I second-guessed way too many decisions out of fear that I was not capable of making a good decision.  Leaders have to be able to accept the fact that every decision will make someone and sometimes many, unhappy and/or mad.  This eventually crept in and stole my confidence.  I ate unhealthy and gained weight which took away even more confidence.  The unkind email or words spoken behind my back that eventually made its way to me just kept pushing my confidence out of reach.  The confidence thief, better known as stress, was/is by far the hardest to overcome for me.  Either I had to learn to accept it or remove myself from it.  I have chosen both over the past several years. Some of those decisions were the right ones and some probably were not. 

The good news is that self-confidence is not a fixed trait. It can be rebuilt and strengthened.  Here is what I realized and began to change in my life. I hope it helps you too if you are struggling with self-confidence. 

• Self-Awareness: Start by identifying the underlying causes of your loss of self-confidence. Is it a past failure, criticism from others, or a specific event? Understanding the root of the issue is the first step towards addressing it.
• Set Realistic Goals: Set achievable, incremental goals to rebuild your confidence. Each small success will boost your self-esteem and motivation.
• Positive Affirmations: Replace negative self-talk with positive affirmations. Remind yourself of your strengths, achievements, and capabilities daily. Be realistic here.  Don’t just say words to be saying them.  I prefer to use scripture for affirmation. 
• Seek Support: Share your struggles with a trusted friend, family member, or therapist/coach. Sometimes, talking to someone can provide valuable perspective and emotional support.
• Practice Self-Care: Prioritize self-care activities such as exercise, prayer, and proper sleep. A healthy body and mind are essential for regaining self-confidence.  It’s amazing what a long walk can do for your self-confidence. 
• Continuous Learning: Invest in learning and acquiring new skills. Gaining knowledge and expertise can boost your self-assurance.

Self-confidence is an asset that can shape the course of our lives. When we lose it, we face a multitude of challenges that can hinder our personal and professional growth. However, with awareness, determination, and support, we can rebuild our self-confidence and reclaim our personal superpower. Remember that self-confidence is not about being perfect; it’s about believing in yourself and your ability to navigate life’s ups and downs with resilience and grace. For me, it’s remembering who God made me to be.  It’s remembering to have confidence in how He made me.  When I fall down, I get back up.  When I fail, I fail forward.  I strive to stand on top of my failures, not under them.  These are confidence builders.  These things help be believe that self-confidence is like a superpower.